changing like all things

To my dearest friends,
Each of whom I have invited to
Delight in the towering trees
Of a mariposa spring

Our time together is canceled for now
The conditions are not sufficient for
15-20 humans to gather in
A small yurt, sleep in communal dorms

Thank you for your willingness
To meet me in my wild and changing self
Thank you for your love
I love you.

I imagine you driving down the winding roads
through the mountains of California
arriving to the singing river,
the moss-covered trees

I am happy.
Not far away from this river, I will live
In a house perched on a little bluff
overlooking a giant swimming hole

Wander through the garden, past the
strawberries and tomatoes, through the wooden
gate, on the path once walked by schoolchildren
One day you’ll find me there

Not today. Today I am a child resting at home
in Pleasanton, unearthing my anger,
my sexuality, the poems tingling in my hands
like a child discovering the sun, the air for the first time

I am alive, about to turn 30, and I am dying
I am brave and energetic, full of cowardice, tired
I am a poet and gardener, planting trees, pulling weeds
giving life, watering, killing, destroying

I am unknowable and
nature is my truth

I love you
I love you