Co-creating a safe container to enable true presence
Documenting my agreements for my coaching relationship with Leo, as they become foundational for relationships throughout my life
Agreements vs. Expectations
We co-create our coaching relationship using agreements. Aware that my mind creates expectations of Leo, I will recognize when expectations arise and look deeply to understand the underlying need. If there is something I’d like to change, I will speak up and create an agreement around it.
Non-comparing mind
Knowing my own habit energy to compare, I agree to recognize when I am comparing myself, Leo, or others. I know that comparing leads to the three complexes of inferiority, superiority, and equality, which are each states of confusion of my place within an interconnected and changing community and planet. I will not be afraid of my tendency to compare, rather I will acknowledge it with compassion and loving presence, either aloud or in my heart.
“Success” is happiness and wellbeing for myself and the world
Aware of my tendency towards greed and accumulation, I vow to practice with the Second Mindfulness Training, True Happiness. Knowing that true happiness is not tied to material possessions, fame, or how much money I have, I agree to recognize when I am caught in a race for “success” or “results” and to look clearly at what success or results means in that moment. I will ground my results-driven thinking in the following questions:
- Does this result lead to greater happiness and wellbeing for myself?
- Does this result lead to greater happiness and wellbeing for others?
- Does this result include a true understanding of interbeing?
At the same time, I know that money can be a by-product of stepping into a state of expansion and possibility, for myself and for the individuals and communities I work with and love. Money can enable long-term sustainability of projects and livelihoods. I will recognize when my guilt and shame around money limits my ability to step into my power and expand what is possible.
Meeting anger and difficulty together
Aware of my aversion to bringing anger and other difficult emotions into relationships, even coaching ones, I agree to take responsibility for my emotions and give them voice in our container, trusting that Leo has the capacity to handle his own response with skillfulness and care. I will not shy away from difficulty specifically between us, but strive for clarity and authenticity. If and when this container does not feel safe to speak up, I will work diligently to address the roots of this danger within myself and with Leo aloud. I recognize that our collective effort holds the possibility for safety and wellbeing for both of us.
Taking care of sexual energy
I agree to not cultivate thoughts or actions that project romantic or sexual energy into this coaching relationship, aware of my own feelings of loneliness and desire for partnership. I agree to recognize if and when I confuse the intimacy of this container with romantic intimacy, and to communicate this with Leo when appropriate. I agree to meet my loneliness and desire for intimacy with care and compassion, and look to meet those needs within my life.
Deep presencing
I agree to show up on time with the conditions to be present with full attention: in a space I feel safe to speak aloud (as is practical), with sufficient sleep and hygiene, where I will be uninterrupted by phone calls, texts, or emails. Beyond that, I agree to step into the container with an open mind and heart to myself and to Leo, not getting caught in past stories as much as being available for what is arising in the present moment. When I am invited to step into my body or consider a question, by Leo or myself, I aspire to curiosity and openness, recognizing that this may look differently in each case. I show up fully to every session.
Openness is the way
Aware of my attachment to existing patterns of thinking and acting, I agree to truly welcome and invite in new possibilities. I am open to hearing things that may be difficult at first to receive, and will allow myself ample space and time to process and hold what arises. I know that powerful coaching and growth can occur when I say yes to meeting new ideas with openness, creating the potential to uncover old, stagnant belief systems and to choose new ones that better serve me. I know that I have the power to dial back at any time if my response becomes too intense or painful for me to hold.
I am willing to explore and reach for things that I currently believe are impossible.
Recognizing my own power
I agree to meet the gift of our time together with a recognition of my own power. I am responsible for showing up in our sessions and in our relationship with powerful questions, content, energy, and engagement. I do not expect my coach to do the work for me. When difficulty arises, I agree to take responsibility for my thoughts and actions around it, without turning to Leo to “solve” the issue for me. I am a powerful being capable of enacting change in myself and in my communities.
I am responsible for my actions, choices, thoughts, and feelings. I am not looking to my coach to be my hero, mother, father, significant other, or savior; it is on me to create the happiness and wellbeing I want in my life. Leo is here to remind me of how powerful I am when I forget.
I do not expect Leo to manage me, for this is a form of giving my power away. If I do not follow through, I will own my mistakes and do my best to heal the situation.
Authenticity
I am 100% committed to showing up in our coaching relationship as my authentic self. I will not allow fear of imperfection or judgment prevent me from sharing openly. I know that saying what Leo wants to hear will dilute the process and the power of our work.
I do not have to apologize to Leo or anyone else for stepping into my truth.
Rescheduling
I make my coaching with Leo a priority. If I need to cancel or reschedule a session, I agree to do so with at least 24 hours’ notice, except for emergencies. I agree to show up on time.
This relationship will end
Aware of the impermanence of our physical bodies, our mental faculties, and our emotional capacity to meet each other, as well as our own changing needs and roles, I agree that this relationship will end at some time in the future. I will not cling to Leo as a placeholder for intimacy or deep looking; I will look to myself and my communities to meet these needs.